espiritista

tula! tula!

this is a lovely poem i found in a friend's blog. medyo accessible naman siya, as long as the reader can get its allusive style. the key is treating it as a dream poem, precisely why its title is like that. i particularly like the last line. it is very much atwood's style to deliver coup de grace lines at the end, sort of summing up the entire poem in several words.

i also like the play in the phrasing. notice how several phrases have been cut awkwardly to jolt the reader into accepting two or more possible readings of every line. ambiguity is a real dream!

i find the first stanza stuttering, though. parang hirap mag take off.

otherwise, it's a lovely poem of achetypal effects. enjoy dear friends!

variations on the word sleep
margaret atwood


i would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
i would like to watch you,
sleeping. i would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear
i would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. i would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

i would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. i would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

posted by dyeproks @ 11:49 PM 0 comments

birthday post

went to work even if it's my birthday. what i got was some fire and brimstone moment with a old woman. but i'm too happy to be pissed off. well of course i was close to getting really pissed off. but hey, it's my birthday. and i'm not the senti type but i do like to be happy in my birthday just because. just because.

just recently noticed that my blog has turned more than a year old. that makes me happy. for no particular reason i feel happy. maybe because i like the feeling of having a near-record of one-year of thought-threads readily available for my perusal during my nostalgia attacks, hehe. i don't recall being able to do this before, except maybe when i was in high school when we had this student diary which we had to fill up with thoughts every day. but even that one isn't something i took seriously, before or until now. or at least until i stumble on an old copy.

i'm tired but i'm happy. thanks alanis for that line. i love you and yes, avril is a whining loser. she's such a phony annoyance.

i'm also happy because of small things. the god of small things is smiling. thanks to arundhati roy.
i'm happy because my birthday sometimes coincides with a fiesta, the feast of Christ the King. This year it didn't quite go like that but it doesn't matter.
i'm happy because my wife still loves me, the universe's biggest jerk.
i'm happy that i can write crappy lines.

but i am also mad that my seatmate here in this computer shop is playing some stupid computer game that shoots missiles up in the air whose soundtrack is totally annoying. can't you play something a little less neanderthal?

recently i've been liking that word. neanderthal. hehe. i wonder who in the office i'll be shouting that invective to first.

ladies and gentlemen, allow me to blow the candles please. i'm turning a year older and i actually like it.

:)

posted by dyeproks @ 2:59 AM 5 comments

bringing out the dead

just found out that half the blogs/livejournals in my links folder is dead or dying.

bye to you.

--------


work is getting too tedious for comfort. i guess 'cause it's just november. the holidays are just around the corner. it's 13th month pay time. and exactly half of it is gonna go to the credit card company hehehe.

ok lang. i think im still on track to getting rid of all the debt, including the ones incurred for the house renovation, by january 2007. especially if the missus goes back to work. one year old na kasi si gael. pwede nang iwanan sa biyenan.


-------


so how was the move to this company?

money-wise, it's been ok. good move, actually, since i'm hearing some horrific things about my last work. the perks make up for the lesser basic pay. i have some allowances to defray daily expenses which you don't get from a school. plus i get to travel.

what i like about my work really is that i learn many new things. i remember having this feeling before about what could i have been if i hadn't gone to teaching. i guess with this work that i have now, the answer's i could have been alright. not really become some hotshot executive but just plain alright.

but i hate the stress. i've never worked my butt off as hard as this all my life, but still everyday i get this feeling that maybe something's gonna pop up and mess my work. at least for the last couple of months that's what i felt. last weekend was the only time i had a really quality one with the family. tiring, man.


-------


i guess i just miss teaching.

posted by dyeproks @ 9:29 PM 0 comments

napadaan ako

Napadaan ako sa weezer. com at saka ko naalala na may luma nga pala akong kopya ng pinkerton cd nila na galing pa kay kumpareng dax. hiniram ko lang pero hindi na naibalik. o sige na nga, ninenok ko at hindi na ibinalik. at wala nang balak ibalik. pare, aginaldo muna sa inaanak mo bago mo ulit makuha ito, which means never will u get it from me! nyahahahaha (devilish laugh ala Austin powers)

putragis na cd yun. i am rocking in my head!

tinugtog namin yung "buddy holly," from weezer's debut album, nung second year kami sa freshmen night out. mukha kaming tanga nun. sa lahat kami, ako yata ang mukhang pinakatanga talaga. hawak hawak ko na parang banduria yung lead guitar. straight out of high school rondalya e. looking back, sana naghubad na lang pala ako nun mas nagkaroon pa ng event.

pero astig yung video ng "buddy holly." in fact it was so darn successful weezer had to fight off insinuations that success of their debut album was brought about not by their music, but by the director of that music video!

so for their next album, they didn't release any video. what they released was music that touched on different topics. But u know the coolest thing? it was that they talked about things I could totally relate to! like this one:

Tired Of Sex
I'm tired, so tired
I'm tired of having sex
I'm spread so thin
I don't know who I am

Monday night I'm makin' Jen
Tuesday night I'm makin' Lyn
Wednesday night I'm makin' Catherine
Oh, why can't I be makin' Love come true?

I'm beat, beet red
ashamed of what I said
I'm sorry, here I go
I know I'm a sinner
But I can't say no

Thursday night I'm makin' Denise
Friday night I'm makin' Sharise
Saturday night I'm makin' Louise
Oh, why can't I be makin' Love come true

tonite, I'm down on my knees
tonite I'm beggin' you please
tonite, tonite, please
Why, can't I be makin' love come true?

nung marinig ko yan napaluha ako. syet walang duda, akong ako talaga.

may mga pagkakatong napapagod na rin ako at nagiging, ano nga yun, cynical? paano ba naman e lagi na lang ganun. pagkatapos ng isang babae, may isa na namang magpapakyut. alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang gusto nila. sasaktan lang nila ulit ako.

Why Bother?
I know I should get next to you
you got a look that makes me think you're cool
But it's just sexual attraction
Not somethin' real so I'd rather keep wackin'

Why bother? it's gonna hurt me
It's gonna kill when you desert me
This happened to me twice before
It won't happen to me anymore

I've known a lot of girls before
What's the harm in knowin' one more?
Maybe we could even get together
Maybe you could break my heart next summer

It's a crying shame I'm all alone
Not with you, nor her, nor anyone
Won't you knock me on my head
Crack it open let me outta here.


Syet take me outta here. graveh ang intellectualization ha.

but this song is really wicked.

Across The Sea
You are 18 year old girl who live in small city of Japan
and you heard me on the radio
about one year ago and you're wanting to know
all about me and my hobbies
my favorite food and my birthday

Why are you so far away from me?
I need help and you're way across the sea
I could never touch you - I think it would be wrong
But I've got your letter and you've got my song

They don't make stationery like this
where I'm from - so fragile, so refined
So I sniff and I lick your envelope
and fall to little pieces every time

I wonder what clothes you wear to school;
I wonder how you decorate your room
I wonder how you touch yourself
and curse myself for being across the sea

At 10 I shaved my head and tried to be a monk
I thought the older women would like me if I did
You see, ma, I'm a good little boy
It's all your fault, momma, it's all your fault

goddamn, this business is really lame
I gotta live on an island to find the juice
So you send me your love from all around the world As if I could live
on words and dreams and a million screams oh, how I need a hand in mine to feel.

don't worry though, hindi naman ako ganyan ka depraved lagi. minsan lang pag lasing, ganun, kakatapos thrills ng theology orals kay as*orgasm. lokong prof un ang kuwento sa amin e mahilig daw mag mini kapag nagtuturo sa mga seminarista sa LST. totoo kaya yun?

o baka naman tibo siya? well, for all you gentlemen of blogsphere, alam nyo yung feeling na yun? yung akala mo babae kaya panay ang pa cute mo at pamacho yun pala tibo, mas macho pa sa yo? gosh heto ang weezer song para sa inyo!

Pink Triangle
When I'm stable long enough
I start to look around for love
See a sweet in floral print
my mind begins the arrangements

but When I start to feel that pull
turns out I just pulled myself
she would never go with me
were I the last girl on earth

I'm dumb, she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
we were good as married in my mind
but married in my mind's no good
a Pink Triangle on her sleeve
let me know the truth, let me know the truth

Might have smoked a few in my time
but never thought it was a crime
knew the day would surely come
when I'd chill and settle down

when I think I've found a good old-fashioned girl
then she put me in my place
if everyone's a little queer
can't she be a little straight?

naalala ko pa yun and i just shrug my head. "anakan mo ako kasi tibo ako. gusto ko lang ng anak. ayoko ng lalaki."

bakit ganun? gusto ko lang naman ng love. kaya nung nakilala ko si misis, aba dinigahan ko na agad, kasabay ng kantang ito sa utak ko:

El Scorcho
Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
do it to me every time
oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby

But you won't talk, won't look, won't think of me
I'm the epitome of Public Enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come down on the street and dance with me

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
and you'd be good for me

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them
-How cool is that?-
So I went to your room and read your diary:
"watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack through a press table..."
and then my heart stopped: "listening to Cio-Cio San
fall in love all over again."

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart
(How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute
Just come up to me and say hello to my heart)
How stupid is it? For all I know you want me too
and maybe you just don't know what to do
or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

I wish I could get my head out of the sand
'cuz I think we'd make a good team
and you would keep my fingernails clean

but that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'cuz I can't even look in your eyes
without shakin', and I ain't fakin'
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.

Tatlong beses akong binasted ni misis. Tatlong beses ko din siyang kinompronta at tinanong: "Ha??? Bakeeettt>>>???"

Nung wala na siyang masagot, sinagot na lang niya ako.

Salamat sa Weezer, ngayon meron na kaming Aniway, Inigo at Gabriel. :)

posted by dyeproks @ 7:42 PM 1 comments