espiritista

next month

... is my birthday. it straddles two horoscope signs in november. some papers list me as a scorpio, and friends mo know me all too well can testify that i can be a raving little sex-starved maniac sometimes (most of the time?), if only in speech. others, however, like TODAY, the only newspaper i subscribe to, classify me as a sagittarian. sagittarius people are supposed to be level-headed. they make great teachers and leaders daw, you know, like the most famous centaur in literature, Chiron, who was said to have tutored Achilles (no, not Brad Pitt, you dimwit!). the thing is, sagittarians are said to be brilliant, but may suffer from their own, shall we say, primal urges. brilliant as they are, they still possess hooves for feet.

all that earthly power held firm only by a fastidious brain.

sometimes, i do feel like there are things behind me, things that i've either left behind or run away from. like all of us there have been choices, most of which just had to be made during that time. but there have been the nonchoices. i had this impression that choices we make tend to cancel all the others out. turns out not only do they remain alive, they also can stay fresh for our balikbayan glance, ifever and whenever they happen. like the tragedy of Lot's wife, our looking back can lead us to feelings of emptiness.

do i regret? do i have to regret?

i have 2 kids and another one on the way. at night, i lull them to sleep, just after the last negotiation to finish the tv show or retell a story i've always told them and which they always know how will end. i look at them while they are sleeping and i try to imagine how i looked like when i was their age. was i this beautiful? this handsome? this serene? to my eyes, my kids are tremendously, absolutely, unbelievably pretty. they must not have come from me.

i have hooves. when i gallop, i can take my kids along to wherever they wish. and bow and arrow too for the big dad? not bad, not fucking bad at all.

happy motherfuckin birthday to me.

posted by dyeproks @ 2:26 AM