"in between" (days?)
i haven't been able to sleep well these past few weeks. as a consequence, i've come down with a bad case of flu. what's worse, since next week would be the day of reckoning with the wifey and the baby, i can't afford to skip any day's work. i need to cram into five days what i must finish in ten.
so what grand scheme have i been up to, anyway?
i can't totally divulge yet what it exactly is (
baka mausog!), but suffice it to say that it involves work. raket. vocation. whatever you choose to call it. i'm in the middle of a big decision involving work, and just thinking about it keeps me awake all night. i just can't help it when im in my worrier mode.
i'm not actually prone to worrying too much. it's just that things like this don't come too often for me. it's as if i am a neophyte again. and i have to rethink again (yes i know, that was redundant hehehe) what my plans are for myself, my family and my work.
days like these, when i feel each direction has it's own promise and that therefore the choice between the two can be reduced to flimsy reasons as whether i feel like this way or the other, i feel utterly non-rational (
kaya nga feel e). i feel powerless. i feel stupid. i feel reckless. damn, i hate recklessness. nothing gnaws at my guilt more than recklessness.
days like these, i resort to prayer.
idol ko si c(r)ap
read in philstar that long-time purefoods Captain alvin patrimonio has retired. so i thought maybe i'd say something.
mixed feelings here, of course. he was the first (and i surmise, the ONLY) basketball player that my then thirtysomething mom had a crush on. his tisoy looks and killer smile made him the foremost glamour boy of the PBA, and his erstwhile "clean" play earned him the respect of a lot of us ballplayers who hated the way Jaworski would throw the requisite elbow to the kisser and get away with it.
it was alvin who made the PBA wholesome, and Purefoods, the ultimate antithesis against that Jologs Barangay made up of the likes of Romulo Mamaril and Dante Gonzalgo. the only time that my family enthusiastically watched the PBA All-filipino finals was when Purefoods fought Ginebra (or whatever La tondena chose it to carry, Anejo ata) to a thrilling Game 5 in 1988. Purefoods was brimming with talent, with the likes of alvin, jolas, jerry codinera, and glenn capacio, while Ginebra was, well, Ginebra. you can't take anything away from Ginebra, except that they really fought like it'd be the end of the world if they lost. it was as if they wanted to put one over these papogi guys who were, mind you, just rookies then. purefoods lost that one.
purefoods lost a lot of championship series after that. they were perennial allfilipino contenders but would always be reduced to whimpering patsies come the import-laced conferences. gosh, who the hell was their scout anyway who kept on sending lemons for imports??? i would always envy ginebra because their imports were always explosive players.
and so alvin's purefoods won only 5 championships in 17 years. not bad, really, especially taking into account the wave after wave of rookies and changes that alvin had to battle through. he had an immediate impact when he came into the league, as a power forward who was content with receiving the ball with his back to the basket a few feet from a short stab and a sure two points. he would work his way to the hoop by banging his butt against his defender, gaining space inch by inch in such a way that made them look like dancing crabs. it wasn't pleasing to the eye, but hey, it was effective.
the influx of filams and bigger pinoys exposed him as an undersized post threat. and despite all the commercials involving him, he couldn't even dunk! he tried moving to small forward by developing a respectable three point shot, but i suppose, you just can't be the same again, as a player, after that. he wasn't fast and agile enough to be a slasher, but neither was he consistent enough to be a pure receive-the-ball-and-shoot marksman. in other words, he became quite ordinary. he faded away.
also, i still remember that the whole family watched his movie with regal films. it included jerry codinera and bong alvarez (si mr excited!) and the very very young triplets, carmina villaroel, ruffa gutierrez, and somebody else i already forgot. it was crap.
kumusta?
paano kung ayaw mo na?
hungkag ang mag-isip kapag ang paligid ay para nang isang salaulang mangingibig, saka, samantala naman kasi'y kailangan mo ring isipin kung ikaw ba'y hindi rin nagbago.
"Burnout," Sugarfree.
wag mo akong kulitin, wag mo akong tanungin, dhail katulad mo, ako rin ay nagbago
natatandaan mo ba nuong una tayong magkita? isa kang tala. isa kang alaala. isa kang damdaming katulad nang minsang madiskubre kong marunong pala akong maggitara. magaling pala akong maggitara. kaya ko pala magpaiyak ng gitara. kaya ko palang umiyak sa gitara nang hindi lumuluha. ang luha ko ay parang kanta. ang kanta ko ay parang tawa.
at umiikot ang paligid kahit walang gumagalaw. at ikaw ay nabibighani kahit hindi ko alam ang dahilan.
"Torpedo," Eraserheads
mababaw lang talaga ang luha ko
ang alaala ay isang puta na katalik ko gabi-gabi. ang alaala ay isang puta na katalik ko gabi-gabi. ang alaala ay isang puta na katalik ko gabi-gabi.
"Senti," Yano
mahal ka ba niya talaga? mahal ka ba niya talaga?
"ako, mahal kita. mahal na mahal, mahal na mahal, mahal na mahal, mahal na mahal..."
paano kung ayaw mo na?
kasalan(an)
maraming ikakasal sa mga darating na buwan sa mga kakilala at kaibigan. ilan na rin ang mga kasalang naganap, at may ilang di ko napuntahan.
yung kasal ni kumare, ang ganda ganda raw niya. hindi ko napuntahan dahil nagsa-lampa na naman ako sa basketbol at tinapakan ng kanang paa ko ang sarili kong kaliwang paa matapos kong tumalon para habulin ang naknangtinapang bola. buwisit. dumarami ang mga kapalpakan ko sa basketbol ngayon. nung isang buwan lang, natuhog ng frame ng salamin ko ang kaliwang pisngi dahil sa katangahang hindi masalo ang rebound. ay hindi, ang mas tanga pala ay ang paglalaro ko nang nakasalamin. tang ina talaga. buti na lang sangtuldok lang yung butas, though butas talaga ang itsura. agos ang dugo. parang hinog na hinog pimple na biglang tiniris.
yung kasal ni kumare ang hindi ko napuntahan.
ang ganda ganda raw niya. sabagay, sabi ko, sa pagkakaalala ko kay kumare, talagang maganda siya pag ngumingiti. ibang klase. singkit kasi, kaya nawawala ang mata.
pati mga mata ngumingiti! so iniimagine ko ang itsura niya kapag nakangiti, ngunit ngayon ay nakasuot ng traje de boda. hmmm.... malamang pagkaganda-ganda nga. parang, parang, parang masaya siya talaga.
mahirap kasing umasa.
wala talaga iyan sa haba ng panahon. ilang taon din silang mag-on tapos sa iba rin napakasal si kumare. sa isang taong nakilala niya sa nakalipas lamang na tatlong taon.
naalala ko yung isa ko namang kumpare. matindi yun. may syota ng 7 years tapos binreyk lang. tapos nagsyota naman ng mas bata sa kanya ng 7 years. imagine, tong bagong syota nya e elementary school kid pa lang nung sagutin sya ni syota number 1. asaran nga e, pinalaki ba, habang may ka-on hehehehe. naging mag on sila ng 5 years bago sila nagpakasal nitong nakaraang taon lang. tapos honeymoon baby daw. dyontis agad!
o yung isa ko ring kumare (marami po kasing ninong at ninang ang dalawa kong anak :)). akala namin bading ang syota niya. ginagamit lang siyang cover. tapos bigla na lang buntis pala. joskopo. so ikinasal sila bigla. at ang lalagkit ng kanilang tingin sa photos nila. pero nung congratulatory handshakes na, hindi ko mapigilang mapansin ang 1) malagkit na tingin ni mister sa aking pundiya, at 2) ang malagkit na pagpisil ng kamay niya sa kamay ko.
Ilusyon lang yon brad!!!! yan ang paulit ulit kong sinabi sa aking sarili. wala namang masamang papaniwalain ko ang sarili ko dun di ba? lalo na't mukhang masaya naman si kumare.
next month, isa pang kumare ang ikakasal. sa long time bf nya rin. medyo makulay na rin ang kuwento ng pag ibig nila pero medyo expected na naming sila ang magkakatuluyan. mula LB hanggang davao hanggang singapore hanggang ngayon, balik manila. talagang history together.
next year, tatlo ang ikakasal. isang kumpare, at dalawang kakilala. ewan lang kung matutuloy ang mga plano nila.
paano ba naman, si kumpare number 1, tangina biglang niyaya ang isa kong ex-kaklaseng matagal na ata niyang pinagpapantasyahan para magbeach.
HANU DAW POOOO???!!! hokey lang, mga binata't dalaga pa naman kayo e. bahala kayo dyan. malalaki na kayo. di nyo na kailangan si papadyep para sa mga usaping ganyan.
si kakilala number 1 naman, na isang girl, medyo matindi ang pinagdaanan. daig pa ata ang french short story na nabasa ko ("Ang pulang unano") sa tindi ng dinaanang relationships/misrelationships. wish ko sana nga ito na. pero medyo nangangamba ako for her. para kasing she's approaching this as some sort of healing. ewan lang, feeling ko pag broken ka at may self-destructive tendencies, ang healing dapat manggaling sa loob ng tao, hindi sa labas. kung lover ang magiging healer, dapat maging sobrang loving at patient niya, though, i think, the man does come across as precisely those two things. kumbaga, kung meron mang tao sa daigdig na kayang gawin yun for her and to her, sya na nga yun, yung pakakasalan nya. so i say, good luck sa inyong dalawa. :)
si kakilala number 2, hula lang. vague pa. hinihintay ko pa. sabi ko, kelan ka papakasal, pag me kasalanan na? pag buntis ka na? sagot nya, pag nabuntis ako, hindi pa rin ako papakasal. ayus din hehehe. she's one smart girl. :)
US elections
im not gonna say anything significant.
zep maybe that we can all start singing "it's the end of the world as we know it!"
