espiritista

"in between" (days?)

i haven't been able to sleep well these past few weeks. as a consequence, i've come down with a bad case of flu. what's worse, since next week would be the day of reckoning with the wifey and the baby, i can't afford to skip any day's work. i need to cram into five days what i must finish in ten.

so what grand scheme have i been up to, anyway?

i can't totally divulge yet what it exactly is (baka mausog!), but suffice it to say that it involves work. raket. vocation. whatever you choose to call it. i'm in the middle of a big decision involving work, and just thinking about it keeps me awake all night. i just can't help it when im in my worrier mode.

i'm not actually prone to worrying too much. it's just that things like this don't come too often for me. it's as if i am a neophyte again. and i have to rethink again (yes i know, that was redundant hehehe) what my plans are for myself, my family and my work.

days like these, when i feel each direction has it's own promise and that therefore the choice between the two can be reduced to flimsy reasons as whether i feel like this way or the other, i feel utterly non-rational (kaya nga feel e). i feel powerless. i feel stupid. i feel reckless. damn, i hate recklessness. nothing gnaws at my guilt more than recklessness.

days like these, i resort to prayer.

posted by dyeproks @ 1:25 AM