at dahil ginaganahan ako ngayon
sabihin na nating kanta ako nang kanta kanina sa kalye nang walang kawawaang awiting nagmula pa sa panahong una akong natutong mag gitara. bread. kung sino man ang nakakaalam nito, lekat wala nang pagkukunwari! i absolutely adore david gates!!!!
diary
i found her diary underneath a tree
and started reading about me
the words sh'e'd written took me by surprise
youd never read them i nher eyes
they said that she had found the love shed waited for
wouldn't u know it
she wouldnt show it
then she confronted with her writings there
simply pretended not to care
i passed it off as just in keeping with
her total disconcertign air
and though she tried to hide the love that she denied
wouldn't u know it
she wouldn't show it
and as i go through my life
i will wish for her my wife
all the sweet things she can find
i found her diary underneath a tree
and started reading about me
the dwords began to stick and tears to flow
her meaning now is clear to see
the love she'w waited for was someone else not me
wouldn't you know it
she wouldn't show
and as i go through my life
i will wish for her his wifeall the sweet things she can find
all the sweet thinds they can find.
o di ba tangina ang lufet. senting senti!
aubrey
and aubrey was her name
a not so very ordinary girl or name
but who's to blame
for a love that wouldn't bloom,
for the hearts that never played in tune?
like a lovely melody that everyone can sing
take away the words that rhyme it doesn't mean a thing
a ewan. nakakasuka na to hehe. tsaka nakakatamad. basta nung nagsisimula pa lang kami maggitara, aubrey ang sukatan ng mahusay na bata. matindi kasi ang plucking. pag nagawa mo yan, ayos ka na!!!!
tsaka yung dust in the wind. tsaka yung stairway to heaven. tsaka yung sweet child o' mine. yun ang mga kahayupang pinagdaanan ko hehehe. pero laging bread. hindi ko nga maintindihan bakit yun ang pangalan nila.
house of flying daggers
only two names needed to make me willing to shell out 400 bucks to see the movie. zhang yimou and zhang zhiyi.
matagal-tagal na rin akong fan ni zhang yimou. road home (reportedly also zhang ziyi's first camera appearance), that movie with a fetish for zhang zi yi's face; not one less, that one that can only strike a chord inside any teacher with delusions of self-importance...i think all teachers MUST HAVE this delusional sense of self-importance and civic duty in order to be successful, but more on that in some other posts.
as usual, napakaganda pa rin ni zhang ziyi. kilala siya ng mga tao dahil sa "hero," at sa "crouching tiger, hidden dragon." but really, in hero, she was nothing more than a bit player. sayang ang byuti nya. sa crouching tiger talaga lumabas ang kanyang ganda.
sa house of flying daggers, ganun pa rin. kahit patalsikan ng putik, naknangtupa, ang ganda pa rin niya. pansin ninyo, nauubos ang bokabularyo ko pagdating sa kanya. wala. maganda talaga e. yun lang ang makasasapat. tsaka siguro tahimik na pagtulala sa kanyang mukha.
pinansin na ni nikka yung eksena ng pagtingala sa langit matapos magtalik nina zhang ziyi at takeshi kaneshiro (ang bagong pinagpapantasyahan ni gerald ramos). dinepensahan na niya laban sa pagpuna ng isang kaklase na parang wala daw iyong kuwenta.
i think i'll have to agree with nikka here (uy! yun ang title ng blog niya!:)). call it perverse or sentimental, but that scene could never have been draggy. if at all, it was so blatantly fragile. i was anticipating a few soldiers on ooone hand, or members of the flying daggers on the other, to come anytime from under the trees and run after them. looking back, i think that was the only moment they had for themselves alone. i particularly like the nuances of lying down on a field of grass. conjures up images of sting ("fields of gold") simultaneous with my own experiences of lying down on grass. and im not even talking about THAT kind of grass they equate to heaven! hehehe. marley man!
asar lang ako sa tipo ng ending. as in, can't you just die now? i mean, well, the film was obviously going for epic time, as opposed to realistic time, but really, how much of the film prepared us for that kind of treatment? parang half-hearted yung epic thing. parang sumobra. parang in the end, it was more of an adornment, a chance to showcase once again zhang yimou's famous eye for capturing luscious scenes in the big screen. medyo letdown nang konti.
pero as usual, astig ang fight scenes. astig ang costumes. astig ang camera shots at angles. astig kung paanong napakaepektibo ng simpleng storyline.
tinext ko tuloy si mareng dot, ano ba ang "mei"? bulaklak in general o isang specific type of flower? wala lang. baka may dagdag na level ng meaning. yun kasi ang name ni zhang ziyi. pinansin ni kaneshiro yun sa simula ng film, ung bakit ang pangalan niya ay pangalan ng bulaklak.
at bakit 400 bucks ba kamo?
remember my earlier post about the surprise party for my wife? i had to bring her to the movies while the students set up in the house. but halfway through the movie, mama was already texting me like hell to go home because the students were done already. so we went home, and my wife was just plain freaked out. then he birthday party freaked her out some more.
kinabukasan, piannood namin ulit. :)
kakatamad/kakatamod
tangina walang magawa sa bahay.
bakasyon kami hanggang nov 2. pasok na naman ng nov 3.
bertdey ko in 3 weeks time! batiin nyo ako ha! batiin nyo ako!!
tama na 'yan, inuman na!
i just got me a copy of parokya ni edgar's live recording, "inuman sessions vol.1." at may balak pa palang dumalawa ha! hehehe. it's nice enough, with live versions of most of their hits, like the infamous cooking ng ina mo, the even more infamous chikinini (sung to the tune of yano's banal na aso, santong kabayo), and the totally inane yes yes show complete with francisM onboard.
but if you were to do a little batibot-style "piliin kung alin ang naiba" mental romp here, i'd pick harana as the odd one out. it is totally un-Parokya-like for a song that any sort of connection between the song and the band must be totally accidental. indeed, the song just happened to be a high school anthem back when chito miranda, et.al., were still ateneans.
at this point, anybody remotely familiar with parokya must have noticed that harana was not composed by chito m. true enough, the album sleeve says it was written by somebody named e.yaptangco.
when i was a freshman in the ateneo, upperclassmen in Gabay, my org, would sing it during tambay times, and all the people from ateneo high would sing along. it was a nice enough song, with a nice enough cuss word (gago in sino ba 'tong mukhang gagong nagkandarapa sa pagkanta...) thrown in to pique my interest. 2 years or so after, parokya recorded it for their third (or second?) album. then all hell broke loose.
friends from the ateneo somehow felt, well, that the song was a misrepresentation. hindi daw ganun yun kantahin! i particularly remember a friend from the pinoy department introing his harana version with the lines to the effect: ganito po yung orig na style nung kanta at hindi katulad nung narecord ng isang banda diyan...i myself could recall the big difference between the one chito sang, and the way it was sung by the seniors in Gabay, particularly, in the second lines of the chorus ("at kay lamig pa ng hangin" is supposed to be sung in the same way as "puno ang langit ng bituin"; ditto "sana'y maibigan mo"). but the most difference was in the way the versions ended. parokya's version just ended tamely in a fade-out, or in the words of a friend, parang walang nangyari, parang hindi mo kakatapos lang kumanta ng magandang kanta, parang naghugas ka lang ng puwet pagkatapos mong tumae... i'd have to agree that parokya's version ended a little bereft of imagination. naubusan, kumbaga.
but i wouldn't fault parokya either. the thing true-blooded ateneans call a sell-out could be just what the producer wanted. or probably, it was what they thought better for the crowd. surveying the breadth of parokya's output however, i'd say it's more the latter than the former. just listening to songs like please don't touch my birdie, silvertoes, and picha pie makes me conclude with finality that their producers gave them the long leash, hehehe.
whatever. the fact is parokya got away with musical murder. it's not the orig, but the audience couldn't care less. now, don't you dare sing it in public the orig way or you'll get branded a cheat. "mali! hindi naman ganyan 'yan kinanta ni chito e!"
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yesterday
...was my wife's birthday. she's now 8 months preggy.
parang nakalulon ng pakwan, as they say. lately, she's been getting melancholic. she absolutely loathes her students this year, though i suspect only because her class this year suffers in comparison to those who graduated last march. i understand her totally, of course, as i'd come to know them. i visited their school a lot last year, and have been impressed with their talent and determination. they had zeal and they asked good questions and they knew the importance of appreciating the details. any teacher would have been happy to teach them. she missed them badly.
as a surprise for her, i secretly organized a birthday get-together with her former students. as i suspected, just a little sms here and another call there started the ball rolling, and it was them who organized the entire thing. i just provided the drinks, the place, and the celebrator.
she cried there. she really cried. i haven't seen her cry like that.
her favorite students were there, but what put it over the top was the presence of people she didn't think would care to come. most of all, she couldn't believe i could do something so cheesy. (I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, NEITHER!!!!) she was beaming. and i was happy. happy, happy, happy.
ganun pala magpasaya ng tao. :)
next month
... is my birthday. it straddles two horoscope signs in november. some papers list me as a scorpio, and friends mo know me all too well can testify that i can be a raving little sex-starved maniac sometimes (most of the time?), if only in speech. others, however, like TODAY, the only newspaper i subscribe to, classify me as a sagittarian. sagittarius people are supposed to be level-headed. they make great teachers and leaders daw, you know, like the most famous centaur in literature, Chiron, who was said to have tutored Achilles (no, not Brad Pitt, you dimwit!). the thing is, sagittarians are said to be brilliant, but may suffer from their own, shall we say, primal urges. brilliant as they are, they still possess hooves for feet.
all that earthly power held firm only by a fastidious brain.
sometimes, i do feel like there are things behind me, things that i've either left behind or run away from. like all of us there have been choices, most of which just had to be made during that time. but there have been the nonchoices. i had this impression that choices we make tend to cancel all the others out. turns out not only do they remain alive, they also can stay fresh for our balikbayan glance, ifever and whenever they happen. like the tragedy of Lot's wife, our looking back can lead us to feelings of emptiness.
do i regret? do i
have to regret?
i have 2 kids and another one on the way. at night, i lull them to sleep, just after the last negotiation to finish the tv show or retell a story i've always told them and which they always know how will end. i look at them while they are sleeping and i try to imagine how i looked like when i was their age. was i this beautiful? this handsome? this serene? to my eyes, my kids are tremendously, absolutely, unbelievably pretty. they must not have come from me.
i have hooves. when i gallop, i can take my kids along to wherever they wish. and bow and arrow too for the big dad? not bad, not fucking bad at all.
happy motherfuckin birthday to me.
nagtatanda
nagtatanda
may mga hindi ko na natatandaang kibot ng karanasan na naroroon lang sa ilalim ng kumot ng memorya.
magbe-beinte siete na ako sa nobyembre. kasibulan daw. nagtatanong ako, kung iyon ang edad ko, bakit parang hindi naman ako nagbabago?
kung itatanong ko iyan sa mga nakakakilala sa akin, malamang batukan nila ako isa-isa. pero simple lamang naman talaga ang problema ko: ano ang tanda ng pagtanda?
ito ang sagot ko: kapag marami nang mga kanta ng iyong kabataan ang hindi na kilala ng kabataan ngayon, o kaya'y kilala na lamang nila sa anyong revival.
case in point: hands to heaven. grade 4 o grade 6 ako nun. lintek. nung ma-revive ni christian bautista, halos lahat ng mga estudyante kong kanta nang kanta nun ay nilelektyuran ko kung paanong napakapangit ng version ni christian bautista. ang lagi nilang tanong, "bakit sir, hindi ba siya ang orig nun?"
pag narinig ko ang hirit na yan, lalo pang hahaba ang lektyur. lalo pa akong magmamarunong. lalo pa akong hahalungkat sa memorya ng kung ano-anong trivia at justifications para lamang mapatulala ang bata sa lawak ng aking nalalaman, at ako, lalong mapapatigagal sa layo ng mga panahong dinudukwang ko. ang ngayon, at ang noon, noong grade 4 o 6 ako.
hindi na rin kilala ng first year students ko ngayon ang ultraelectromagneticpop. alam nila ang ligaya at ang pare ko pero hindi nila alam ang ultraelectromegneticpop.
si bamboo, hindi pa rivermaya nun.
ang kapal ko talaga. nung high school ako, sabi ko nun na ayaw kong tatandang katulad ibang matatandang lagi na lang may dialogue na "nung panahon namin...."
pero nung isang linggo lang, nag-lecture ako sa fourth year students ko kung paanong naaawa ako, kako, sa kanila dahil sa kadahupan sa kultura ng kanilang pop culture. ang mga kanta kasi ngayon, pulos novelty ekek. mga kanta tungkol sa bulaklak na mapupula at malalaki at numerong otso otso at spaghetting sinasayaw at kikay. sabi ko, kawawa naman kayo. "nung hayskul kami..." hehehe
oh well, what the heck! nung hayskul kami, sinabi ng eraserheads, "gagawin ko ang lahat pati ang thesis mo" upang ipakita ang kanyang pagmamahal. kung sino man dito ang nakaranas ng paggawa ng thesis ay makapagpapatotoo sa tindi ng pagmamahal ng taong iyan.
yano ang nagpasikat ng banal na aso at santong kabayo, the youth ang multong bakla (pasintabi sa mga gay), your love is like a river that flows down through my veins ng alamid, etc. etc.
hindi ko rin napigil. nagsermon pa ako. naknangtokwa.
mantra for the day
i am not stupid. i am not lazy.
i am so fucking sexy.
repeat 100x. or until a raincloud appears over your head.
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pack me! pack me!
it is insane how many people pack into the malls.
was in sm southmall last saturday to look for a pair of bar stools to use in that counter top i was talking about in my previous entry. the cheapest ones stood for around 1k, while the really gorgeuos ones fetched around 4k. damn. there goes my project.
i don't normally like the idea of going to a mall on a saturday. this saturday was even worse for my migraine. turns out it was the second day of a three-day weekend sale, and on a payday at that. it was impossible to walk elbow-to-elbow without bumping into the next shopper, and i'm not even in the supermarket. i couldn't see down the aisle far enough for comfort, you know, that the exit is just some more steps further. it was all bodies in front of me.
it was close to 3pm when we finished with what we needed to buy. at the exit, there were even more people lining up to get in, past the frisking guards. the mall was absolutely full. i just had to mutter something like, "hope the terrorists pick australia, instead."
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what would you do if the gorgeous model you were shagging suddenly and emotively moaned, "yes! yes! pack me! pack me!"?
would you
a. correct her f-deficiency in mid-pump
b. quietly suffer the indignity of being told to do it like those UPS guys
c. strangle her. then scream at her face, "stuff it!!"
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i am sorry. some days, i just feel like the world owes me things.
like is it really too much of me if i asked for more committed teachers????
it is easier for me to take the indifference of certain students when it comes to pinoy lit. but really, i don't have the time and the patience when it comes to teachers who don't seem to have the initiative to work on things they are paid to do. oh well. gotta shrug my shoulders once again.
banyo - haay!
nagpapagawa ako ng banyo ngayon.
para kako pagka nanganak na si misis e hindi na mahirapang mag-panhik-panaog para lang dyuminggel o umuu. kaso, hayup sa estimate yung karpintero. beinte mil daw. naubos yung beinte mil sa unang isa't kalahating linggo. ngayon mag-aapat na linggo na kami, hehehe. papalapit na rin sa singkuwenta mil. hokey, ang saya-saya!
kunsabagay, sinama na rin kasi ang bagong komedor. pinalagyan ko rin ng bagong service door sa likod, paakyat ng bubong at mga sampayan. at mga cabinets sa ilalim ng lababo at itaas ng kalan.at parang bar na counter top para magsilbing kainan na rin ng miryenda (pero pwede rin sa altanghap!).
nakakatuwa rin naman. siyempre, nakabubusog ng puso ang pakiramdam na ang lahat ng mga pinaghihirapan ko'y may kongkreto nang kinahinatnan. masaya rin naman.
pero angsakit nga sa ulo. araw-araw na nagtatanong ako sa karpintero kung ayos pa ba ang mga materyales, kung wala bang kulang, kung magdadagdag pa ba ng hollow blocks at tubo at bisagra, kung nakapagmiryenda ba sila, at higit sa lahat, kung ano ang gagawin nila sa kinabukasan. inaasam-asam ko yung araw na tipong, "wala na hong kulang. bukas magpipintura na lang kami."
naalala ko tuloy yung isang kuwento ni tony perez tungkol sa mga multo. may mag-asawang kapwa successful na, pero wala silang anak. successful sila at kapwa din artistic kaya ang nangyayari, nagagawa nilang ipaayos ang bahay nila sa kahit na paanong theme. laging maganda, laging mainam. lagi silang patibag nang patibag at paayos nang paayos ng mga pader at abubot at kasangkapan sa bahay. hanggang isang araw, bigla na lang nagsalita yung dalawang antigong tumba-tumba. boses-lolo yung isa, at boses-lola naman yung kabila. ilokano, sa wika ng mga ninuno nung bidang lalaki. nanahimik din naman bigla matapos ang isang araw lamang, at bumalik ang lahat sa dati. tahimik sa bahay. nang bumalik ang transalation, wala naman palang ibig sabihin ang mga pangungusap ng mga multo. puro paglilista lamang ng mga kailangang ipagawa at ipaayos sa isang sirang bahay. ganun lang.
pero nanindig balahibo ko. tapos nalungkot. yung isang linya kasi, tipong "ang impyerno ng pagsasaayos ng bahay, ang impyerno ng pagsaasayos ng buhay." yun ang natandaan ko.
ngayon kasi, oo nga, nakakapraning nga pala ito. nakakarindi rin pala ang unti-unti at araw-araw na pag-aalala.
